Sunday, December 6, 2009

more strange speed cameras and point to point fines

Ok So as you drive over the harbour bridge northbound, keep an eye out for these... They look like speed traps, but the RTA deny they are... so wtf are they then?

Discount books

An interesting find on ebay is that you can buy scientology and dianetics books at lower-than-church-extortion-prices.

Open up ebay and type dianetics and you'll find a a whole bunch of selfless self help and brainwashing courses for even cheaper than the cult, sorry church, sell them for.

If your that desperate for attention you can even buy a signed by the big man himself copy of the auditors handbook for a mere US$15k.

If your super keen you can even buy a not-so-sacred e meter and measure your own mental issues with a hottted-up- multimeter circuit. The device is also able to measure whether or not fruits can experience pain and are considered sacred ... but you can buy them on eeee-bay.

But for the super-mad ebaying scientoologist, you can have, for a mere, mere, US$3,500,000, the worlds largest private 28,ooo item super library of this guy.

happy bidding

Another world away in prestons

If you ever wanted to see the grand bazzar, or sift through the diverse cultral markets of China, Hong Kong or India, then save your self a few quid and visit this place:

Prestons grand bazaar at is open weekends and hosts and interesting and nostalgic array of used , new, fresh, stale and even soiled stock, at very negotiable prices...

Upon entering you feel blessed already as you drive past the golden domes of the admin building.
Once you reach the parched white sands of the desert, sorry i mean carpark, you immediately feel like you're on vacation in the middle east. The mirage-like appearance of parking in the shade, only to find the shade has moved by the time you reach it , adds to the grand illusion.

Entry apparently costs $1.80 ea to get in, but we just walked straight in.

Amongst the car-boot like stalls of the vendors you will find most household items, vcrs, dvd players, live chickens, toiletries and perfumes. Many vendors also specialise in unique handicrafts and jewellery items, like glo-sticks and fart bombs.

Haggling is that much en grained in the culture for the bazaar, that you rarely see a price tag, or even packaging. Some items are even missing cords, cables ect as the retailer was in such haste to get the freshly acquired "stock" onto his rental table.

But the epicentre of the market is surely the grand food outlet.. what appears to be 12 or so ethnic based food outlets, Mexican, American, Spanish, gozleme ect. One cant help but notice the all have the same kitchen and seem to sell bacon and egg rolls, hot chips and battered savs.

Another thing i couldn't help but notice was that the market had more vans than a dutch naming convention. Every vendor had a goods vehicle parked somewhere in their stall.

If the vendors added a few more vans in their stands, and a few less used vcrs, well then hey, this market might really work!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Strange etag toll readers and speed cameras that aren't speed cameras PT2

So theres more..

How the RSC of WA wants your money!

Speed camera statistics vs road realted deaths (scroll half way down)

Strange etag toll readers and speed cameras that aren't speed cameras

Ok So i do a shitload of drinving for work, which partially adds to my loathing of Sydney.

Ive noticed a few strange things happening on our roads, namely, by the NSW government and the RTA

1st thing- is a bunch of speed cameras that arent actually speed cameras.
They are popping up everwhere, northbound throught the open / unused toll plaza, have seen then mounted above bridges on the f3 and also hanging precariously off the edges of SAFE T-CAM stations...

2nd thing - is toll readers mounted at locations that dont attract a toll.
there is one as you leave the f3 freeway(yes its still free) , turning left southbound at the pacific highway.. its a toll reader like the one you would see above an automatic toll plaza, but im certain it counts cars/spys on our movements secretly..

I think this because the rta normally uses a loop inductor in the road to count traffic, but with an etag, they can track and trace everyone's movements digitally, like google.

Think of how the asshole RTA will use this technology against YOU. They made everyone get and etag, literally forcing us to be "barcoded" and traced on the roads like a fedex parcel.

All sorts of scary links below...

System that uses etags to pay for parking tickets

Using toll tags to watch traffic

Evidence of how the police used traffic data against Marcus Einfeild

more to come im sure..

Just wait for point-to-point speeding cameras to be introduced, I predict it.

Thank fuck Brisbane still has the decency to treat its motorists as citizens with rights, and not as cash cows.

Been away

in beatiful Bris... so ill be posting stuff again soon!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

lock your twiter and facebook profiles, because your about to get binged

Search results to include Twitter, Facebook

Agence France-Presse

October 22, 2009 09:53am

Microsoft overnight began integrating Twitter messages into its new internet search engine Bing and arch rival Google announced plans to do the same.,27574,26244635-23109,00.html

So basically if you have a twitter or facebook account, thats set to be open to the public, you'll probably end up in someones search. Whilst this may be good for alot of marketing types, imagine the world being freely able to see your comments about last night baby, your boss, work colleuges or freinds. .

Big brother no1 is only watching.
Big brother no2 is taking your data for free and making millions from it

Saturday, October 17, 2009

need's too fined a home ergent, :[

Needs to learn to speel

I actually feel really sorry for this guy and his rabbit and would love to take the rabbit,but it was already gone when we emailed! I guess someone wasnt shy..

hi every one my name is tristen i am putting my rabbit on here again too give away for free and last time ppl rang me up but no one showed up too look at the rabbit or too pick her up she is a little big and chubby but bammby dose not have a good home here as there is too many cat's here and and she is very good with kid's as my sister's kid's play with her when they come over,she has her own hut and that is for free please i need you too call me as soon as you can if you want too save her my number is,xxxxx-xxx,or if im not home call me on xxx-xxx-xxx,please i dont want the r.s.p.c.a. too put her down,if no one call's me in this week and by next week tuesday there is nothing els i can do, : [ : [ .p.s.please dont be shy too show up.

how state rail and the nsw government treat your money..

THE dilapidated property next to railway tracks in Rawson Avenue, Sutherland, has sold for $350,000 less than the asking price of $379,000.

Creatively using dumpsters

3 of the funniest ads iver ever seen on ebay

Minibike, pocket bike, kid's motorbike, waste of money!

Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm.

I have a reputation for not putting enough effort into describing items I sell on ebay, so this time I'm going to be very clear in describing the item.

The pictures above appear to be of some type of small child's motorbike, possibly a minibike, yes, that's what it looks like. However, this is one of those very rare Chinese made miniature motorcycles of which only about 56,785,920 were distributed world wide last year. The total lack of spare parts for these things has now convinced me that each child born in China was tasked with producing one of these; from a roll of aluminium foil and an empty ice cream container. That explains why each one is different. Not just different colours, but every single one is unique in its dimensions and spirit. Some have even been made inside-out.

Some of them have wheels which are almost round, mine doesn't. The frame appears to be made of bamboo, painted silver to make it look stronger. When they gave the Chinese made boats the name Junk, I can now see why. Surely, one of the five year old kids tasked with building these things could weld. Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly. Every bolt is a different size and the fact that it doesn't change shape if left in the sunlight has amazed me.

I rode it once, that was enough. It was about as comfortable as pouring a cup full of leaf-cutting ants down my undies. Even though I'm so short that my feet are actually above my head, somehow riding this thing saw me wearing my ankles as earrings and trying to steer at the same time. Making things even worse was that it was like riding a chainsaw with wheels. The motor can rev like a cat with a clothes peg on its tail, making this little bike go faster than standing still - which is already a stretch of its safety envelope.

Before I took it for its one and only ride, I had to fill it up with fuel. I couldn't understand how such a small machine could need such a large fuel tank, but then fifteen minutes after I'd put the fire out, I worked out why. The fuel leak from the carby was that severe that by the time I'd travelled 12 metres with my feet behind my head, the grass behind me was on fire. The leaking fuel had some how caught alight and although I was hoping it was a trail of burning rubber from its tyre shredding power, it was merely a small fire, not unlike a burning pipeline in Iraq. Fortunately, the fuel leak was so bad that by the time the fire caught up to the bike, there was nothing left to burn.

The bodywork on the bike isn't even attached. I don't know how it ever could be. There must have been a fight at the child labour factory when this thing was made, obviously the stronger five year old stole the bits that allowed this bike's bodywork to be attached to its silver bamboo frame. So it just sits there making this thing even more ridiculous. You would expect that motorcycle bodywork would be made of plastic, true. But given the fact that this stuff a) didn't burn and b) is as flexible as a Viagra induced erection, tells me that it is something from another planet, possibly China. I suspect that it may be some super organic, self regenerating rice paper or something.

Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm. Despite the fuel gushing from the poor excuse for a carby, this thing has a pull start which has a cord about as long as a primary school play lunch. With the amount of fuel flooding from the carby, it requires full throttle to start. The first time I got it going it rode off with only the ghost of Chopstick Creek at the controls. I later learned that the best way to start it was by holding it under your arm and acting out an ACDC guitar riff before putting it back down, placing your ankles behind your ears and hoping that the thing stayed upright long enough for someone to get a photo.

On the bright side, this thing would make a fantastic garden ornament, because it has a miraculous ability to convert itself to important soil nutrients, like iron oxide, very quickly. You will notice that one of the front fork stanchions is all rusty. I didn't do that in photoshop, it really is rooted. You will also notice that the steering is out of alignment, but what do you expect from child labour?

When the Trike of Death saw this little bike, it turned around in a very large circle and looked the other way. You have to feel sorry for this little machine, it's like a puppy in a pound. Surely someone out there must have a good home for it? Lets face it, you can now buy something that has trodden the same ground as the legendary Trike of Death for less than the cost of a Trike of Death T shirt. You may even be able to convert this little thing into a candle, a hearing aid, a belt buckle or something else useful.

This monstrosity needs to go. Even if you buy it just for something to kick your toe on it would be worth it. You could paint it black and leave it on some stairs one night. You could create an artificial reef out of it, for one small and selfish fish. Whatever you do with it is your own business, just don't tell anyone where it came from.

In response to some anticipated questions, here are the answers:

No, I don't have a buy it now price, but if you can convince ebay to refund my listing fee, you can have it.

No, it doesn't have a seat, the manufacturer didn't design it to last long enough for your arse to make it to the where the seat would normally be.

No, it ran out of warranty on the third day, which was when it was somewhere in the middle of the Sea of China, on its way to infest the world with a good dose of unquality control.

Yes, I will deliver it to Anaheim California, it will only cost a return airfare ex Sydney and a Disneyland pass.

No, the brakes don't work. It wasn't designed to make it that far.

Yes, it is crap.

True, it does look good. So too do most celebrities until you see them in the flesh.

No, it wouldn't be a nice gift for a six year old, or any other number between 1 and 1000.

No, there isn't any spare parts available for it. They were designed around the same concept as disposable razors and toilet paper, not much good after the first use.

Yes, you are welcome to take it for a test ride – after you buy it and then sell it to someone else who advertises it for sale and offers you a ride of it.

3 of the funniest ads ive ever seen on ebay

Yamaha YTM175 trike, Tri Moto 175 2 stroke death trap.

Yamaha Trike of Death, world famous trike, family fun!

This item had 4500 plus views on the ad but no buyers!!!

It has a headlight and a taillight, which I think are there so that when
you flip it, people know which way it is pointing and whether to run or climb a tree

Don't forget to check out my other items if you are too poor to buy the trike!

Oh no, what a shame, the Trike of Death didn’t sell. Is it the price? Is it the colour? Is it the shape? Or is it the fact that the trike of death is connected wirelessly to ebay and automatically cancelling out any bids made by one of the 9,621 visitors to the ad? I agree with many of you, I should be paid by ebay for the attention that this trike drew last time around, but until I think of a better way to sell it, the trike will be re-listed over and over again until your great grand children will be talking about it if need be.

Let me take you back some time to when I first saw this trike on a lonely old website. Immediately I thought how handy, how versatile, how yellow and how unique. So I bought it. I was like a parent with a three headed baby when I picked it up; embarrassed by what I had, but at the same time proud of having something different. Fortunately the trike doesn’t have three bums to wipe or three mouths to feed.

When I arrived home with the trike there was much amazement from the onlookers as I pulled up outside my house with the strange yellow beast tethered securely to the back of my ute. Not being one to ask for help very often, I decided to get the trike off the back of the ute by myself. Of course, it has no reverse, so I had to roll it off which started out okay. However, I quickly realised that the lack of rear suspension had been cleverly overcome by the engineers at Yamaha; they simply put big bouncy tyres on it. I can still imagine them laughing at the time, thinking how funny it would look when their kimono clad samurai test pilot took it for a run-in lap around the Trike of Death headquarters in Sashimisoya, being bucked violently off the back after the first speed hump, ending up in the Honda factory next door making CT110s for the rest of their lives.

With tyres designed as practical jokes waiting to happen, the trike came off the back of the ute fairly well, but after the third bounce one of the rear mudflaps hit me in the kegs. It was only a rubber mud flap, however 26 years of vibration and exposure to the atmosphere had turned it from rubber into a wet towel, one of the most deadly weapons to be hit in the kegs with. The pain was intense and although it was like trying to breathe with a mouthful of Wassabi, I couldn’t show any pain because there were too many onlookers. I waited a week before I screamed. Being in agony I wasn’t concentrating much when I let the front wheel drop from the back of the ute, and although it didn’t bounce, the handlebars spun to the side and broke 23 of my ribs, making me breath like a squashed packet of corn chips. After just three minutes I had learned the true power of the trike.

I couldn’t wait to see if it started, because even though it looked as good as a glass of milk at a chilli eating competition, only the sweet hum of the motor would guarantee me that the trike was the real deal, and that I wasn’t having some dream that I’d returned to the ‘80s and robbed a motorbike shop.

I found some fuel and filled the tank, checked the oil tank and everything was good. Then I realised that it was zip start, not kick start like most sensible motorbike based machines. The zip start is also on the left hand side, meaning that it must either start easy or be one of those unusual pieces of equipment designed for left handers. However, being strong from just being winded and flicked in the jewels, I was able to pull the cord with ease. Problem was that the thing hadn’t been started for probably 10 years, so by the second pull I was knackered. On the third pull it fired into life and idled with that familiar unpredictable two stroke idle, sort of like a prolonged go, go, go, go stop go, go, go, go stop stop stop, go go. It did stop, so I started it again then decided to ride it up my driveway and park it in my shed.

I hadn’t done my research at all, and stupidly thought it was manual; after all it had a lever on each side of the handlebars, a throttle for your thumb and a brake lever on the right hand side. It almost had as many levers as a 1968 model Vespa. I was excited, so I lifted the gearshift into first and gave it some throttle before dropping the clutch. What the? Before I got a chance to drop the clutch, I’d removed two inches of top soil and pruned most of my front garden. I realised quickly that the trike has an automatic clutch and the lever on the left hand side is there for comfort, or perhaps something to do with Feng Shui. Whatever it does, it’s not a brake as we know it.

As I somehow managed to line the trike up with the driveway during the few seconds of seeing my life flash before my eyes, I thought to myself, hey, this is easy to ride. It’s better on my gravel driveway than any of the motorbikes I’ve had because it stays upright. Then when I tried steering for the first time I saw the humour in this thing. Trying to steer the trike is like trying to sign your name with your non writing hand, while watching it in a mirror. A bit tricky, but I’ve written this whole ad the same way. I knew that once I got the trike somewhere out in the open, then I’d really be able to put it through its paces.

A couple of weeks later, I loaded the trike onto the trailer and took it to the family farm. I thought that at least if I die up there I can be buried with the trike and one of the mudguards could be used as a headstone, with my name above one of the warning stickers which tell you to preserve nature.

On the farm the trike was so eager to get out and play that by the time I had opened the door of the ute, the trike had already filled itself with fuel, packed away the tie-downs and was holding its starter cord out for me to pull. I started it and did what most idiots do when they get something new and dangerous: I took off without a helmet.

Now the trike is not what you would class as overly powerful, I mean it only has a 175cc motor, I can drink that much bourbon without falling over. But whatever they did to this thing in Japan when they made it is a mystery. I’ve owned an IT175 before and the motor looks close to that of the trike’s, but the trike’s motor lies hidden beneath yellow plastic, so who really knows what lurks beneath. Being only 175cc, I thought all five gears would run out fairly quickly. Without a helmet I accelerated off into yesterday to the point that everything became a blur. The last thing I remember thinking was whatever I did, do not steer. I managed to come to a stop in the plasma wave created in front of the trike, with the blue smoke of two stroke exhaust catching up to me next Christmas. I had survived, the trike was unmarked and I had learned a very important lesson: Never underestimate something that looks like a lunar explorer designed by Big Bird.

I rode the trike around for a couple more hours and got quite used to the controls. Nothing on the farm had ever seen anything like it before. The cows were amazed, the kangaroos were shocked that something could bounce higher than them, and the trees turned autumn colours so as not to be outdone. It was a spectacle, and they say that other than the Great Wall of China, tyre tracks left by the Trike of Death are the only other things visible on earth from space (except for giant ants, which look like normal ants but in actual fact are ants on the inside of the shuttle’s windows after all the spilt experiments due to the ex Trike of Death factory worker taking up a shelf packing job at NASA).

The trike spent some time on the farm, fishing, drinking and having a good time. A couple of friends had one ride each, finding any excuse not to have a second go. One mate who dislocated both his ears just putting the factory helmet on claimed that the loss of three toes on his right foot after forgetting that the trike was wider than the front wheel and misjudging a gate, said he was too tired to have a second go. The other mate, who donated the skin off his back to one of the paddocks after ignoring my advice not to start it, claimed that it was much funnier watching other people fall off it. He was right. That’s what makes the trike fun for the whole family.

This isn’t a machine that you would take away by yourself. Apart from the fact that Brokeback Mountain would be a stupid movie if there was a scene with a man and a trike with its seat removed in a tent, but you could be depriving thousands from the joy this thing brings. They aren’t as dangerous as the mass cemeteries would lead you to believe. In fact, the lack of a first aid kit on this trike means that it must be safe. It also lacks life jackets and fire extinguishers, so it clearly isn’t an accident waiting to happen. Okay, so a hand grenade also lacks those accessories, but that’s because they would have to make them too big to fit it all, then soldiers would need bigger hands to throw them with and the problems just keep mounting up.

It has a headlight and a taillight, which I think are there so that when you flip it, people know which way it is pointing and whether to run or climb a tree. It lacks a speedometer, which is great for when you are pulled over by the highway patrol and they ask you if you know how fast you were going, because you didn’t. The distraction of what you are riding will be enough to cause them to forget to book you for all the other offences, and the rhythmic bounce of the trike caused by pulling it over will be enough to hypnotise them, allowing you to convince them that they have to get back into the police car where they will find that their partner’s groin has become a donut!

There is not a single place you can go where this trike will not be recognised. If you buy it, you will become an instant celebrity. Russel Crowe will drop his mobile phone just to wave hello. Super models will eat half a sandwich just so they can go for a ride on it without blowing off the back. Black cats will climb down ladders and paint themselves white just for a closer look. Towns will line up just be the first to cast giant monuments in its honour. The pyramids of Egypt will cast off one wall in envy. Genetic engineers will work overtime and listen to The Shins in an effort to clone it.

It’s not what the trike can do for you, it’s what you can do for the trike (with premium health cover). Take it, please, before I add the second part of this description.

For those that don’t feel like buying a book this year, I have added the last two descriptions below. I’m sure that buried somewhere amongst all those specifications is some useful information!

Yes, it's back. Did you really think that The Trike of Death would go away?

If you read to the end of this ad, you will receive automatic acceptance to the Facebook Yamaha Trike of Death E-shrine, where some of the best comments, pictures and stories will be posted. It will also be a place to visit for free abuse and to add to the 'what pissed me off today was...' discussion board. Don't forget to check out my scooter and the fashionable T shirt range in my other auctions, because even if you miss out on the Trike of Death, you can still be part of the action.

After the listing ended the last time, I received an email from a very lucky man from Nigeria who wanted me to help him secure his wealth, and in return I would receive 482 tribilliongazillion dollars.

Not being greedy, I declined his offer and have since been wondering what I should do with the trike.

I have fallen over it twice while it has been sitting there on its three big wheels in my workshop. The first time I fell I was lucky to escape injury, but the second time I wasn't so lucky; I landed on a dried out leaf from the surrounding turpentine trees, receiving a 2.5 mm scratch on my hand. After that ordeal I decided that either the leaf or the trike had to go. So to save me cleaning my workshop, I'm selling the trike.

Last time I listed it I copped some savage abuse from die hard trike fans, with some claiming that I had made fools of their interest. I apologise to all those who I offended by pointing out the trike's unusual features, but I was trying to be brutally honest. I actually think it is good that you have clubs where people can go and enjoy riding these things together. It reminds me of how the prisoners on death row have fun waiting for their turn on the electric chair. Fair enough, the trike isn't an electric chair, but it is about as safe and comfortable as one.

I was also reminded of the fact that it's not the machine, but the fool at the controls. So true! The bloke at the Yamaha factory who had the button in front of him saying 'ADD WHEELS' obviously wasn't like all his workmates who knew to only push the button twice or four times, never once or thrice. But good on him I say. He created something that people can form clubs over, nobody else in history has managed the same.

In reality, my trike is an amazing machine. It has survived over 20 years without being damaged. The original owner really looked after it by not riding it. That's right, this thing has hardly been ridden. In fact it still has the original tyres and probably some of the first tank of fuel still left in it. No, I lied about the fuel because last time I rode it I ran out of fuel and had to push it about 100 m to the shed. 100 m isn't far, but try pushing something yellow with three wheels, weighing in at 480 kg up a gravel road into a 45 knot head wind. You will go backwards, underneath the trike and get found five days later by Stuart Diver.

You may notice that I have added some new photographs, there is an explanation for that: A young lady that looked like a cross between Paris Hilton and André the Giant told me that the trike is in such good condition that it would sell itself. I took her word for it and left the garage door open one night. The trike was gone for a week and the photos show that it didn't sell itself, instead just galavanting around on its three big wheels, living it up at my expense.

Since the trike has been back, we have been getting on well together but it really needs a new home. If you want to come and take a look at it, I will probably be able to arrange something. I only have a short driveway and live in a suburban area, so taking it for a proper ride really isn't possible. Due to its turning circle, I would have to have a five acre block for you to turn it around on, and the lack of a driveway long enough to launch a B52 means that you will only be able to accelerate to about 50 km/h before crashing through the front door of the house across the road. After crashing through the door you would probably make it down their hallway and out the back door, through the clothes line, over the compost heap gaining enough air to clear the colorbond fence out the back, bounce of the carport of the house behind them and continue on into the valley of the shadow of death and, if you don't run out of fuel, around the block and back into my driveway.

The trike is safe around children, because there are few moving parts and if your child can choke on one of those big tyres then you have a big kid and you should get out of the house, now. The trike is too large and too heavy for most children to be able to put it in their hair while the wheels are turning, so you don't need to worry about that either.

I can't think of much else to add here, but I'm sure there will be others asking important questions. I have added my last listing description below in blue just in case you need more details from there.

Perhaps I was a bit negative when I described this lovely item last time around, so this time I'll just be positively honest.

This is a trike, meaning it has only three wheels. The only thing that makes it any more controllable than a shopping trolley is that it has brakes. Okay, so the brakes don't work that well when you are either airborne or in the middle of an horrific roll-over, but they are there nevertheless. Rather than brakes, I would call them 'inevitable delay systems'. You will crash, that is inevitable, but by using the brakes the crash will happen a little later.

The trike is also yellow, the same colour as canaries – a bird used as a sacrifice in early mining operations. The canary died when overcome by low levels of toxic gases, warning the miners that either someone had farted or perhaps worse. Fortunately mines didn't use trikes like this because Todd and Brandt would never have surfaced.

It is retro, true '80s madness. If you really want something retro that will see you living to retirement, buy an old caravan. This trike is as safe as an ejector seat in a helicopter. I say that purely because I have lived to tell the story. So many have been maimed or killed on these things and been unable to warn prospective buyers, but I for some reason have been spared huge losses of bark, broken limbs or brain damaged behind the controls of this three wheeled shredder.

Right now you might be thinking to yourself that you really need something like this to bring the spark back into your life. I honestly think you would be better off with a melanoma. You either have to be insane or have balls as big as the extra large fitness balls available from Rebel Sports, in red of course. I'm not joking about this. The measly 175cc air cooled motor may sound tame, but it is about as harmless as using a whipper snipper around the wrong way. For some reason, 175cc of oil burning two stroke is far more dangerous on three wheels than it is on two. Yes, I've ridden everything from 80cc motocross bikes to my beloved RSV1000, and although you would expect three wheels to be 50% safer than two, they aren't.

Most of you 943 people that visited my earlier ads would remember what I said about the trike last time and now wonder why the hell I'd be bagging something that I actually want to sell. Good question and I'll get to that later.

I bought this trike because it is a living example of something nasty. If you hang on to this thing for millions of years, letting it get buried under thousands of layers of sediment, then one day in the distant future (if we still have one after earth is invaded by aliens giving these things out as gifts) an archaeologist will dig this up and go, “Wow, a YTM175, these things became extinct in the 20th century, and look Nathan, it still has a skid mark on the seat from the last person who rode it.”.

If only these trikes came with optional extras like; electric start, suspension, disc brakes, reverse, horn, roll cage, air bags, ABS, traction control, garlic naans... What a great thing they would be.

Please, buy this thing and show the world that you care. You may just be saving my life because if I don't sell it, I'll take it back to the farm and no doubt injure myself while shooting the video for the up and coming website '' You can register that domain if you like.

On the positive side, if you buy this trike you will be a living legend (until you ride it). So many people know about this thing that I'm even thinking about having it cast in bronze and set up as a monument to human ingenuity.
I will endeavour to make myself and the trike available for viewing. I only have a short driveway to ride it in, but I can guarantee that no matter how much space, you won't be able to turn it around so just the one run will be enough to convince or kill you.

I am willing to swap it for fifteen hundred US dollars or anything else of interest, but I can't sell it for less because I think I've fallen in love with it. We all know what it's like; when you're in love you don't care about anything else until something better looking comes along. To date, I haven't seen anything better looking than this trike.

And to wrap up, the specs:

Carrying capacity:
Australia - 1 adult
India - 43 adults, 75 children, 2 sitars, a cow and an Optus call centre

Fuel: Cord blood

Wheels: Just three, big fat ones
Frame: Unfortunately not coffin shaped
Top Speed: One of the 11 wonders of the world
Weight: Five slabs
Transmission: Five speed semi automatic (like an Uzi)
Country of Origin: Hell
Colour: Diarrhoea yellow

Question & Answer Answered On
Q: yo how ya going hollywood . say if i buy the trike of death and stick a ford badge on it do you think i can manage a podium finish 4 ford at bathurst next year?. cheers 4 the trike of death t shirt to young fella already got a few comments on it . ps hope the bike dosent sell as every day i get on your listing just to see if there are any new questions - answers . ok take care your fan benny robbins cu 16-Oct-09
A: The last time the Trike of Death was ridden down Conrod Straight, it put a bend in the road due the vacuum created behind it. As a cover up, the officials called the bend The Chase and made out it was done on purpose to slow the cars down. What rubbish, it was just a simple fact that the road couldn't take three wheels at that speed. Glad you like the shirt, I've been wearing mine as much as possible, waiting for someone to recognise it. I too hope it doesn't sell. Thanks mate.
Q: Hey big shot, I have reviewed your listing and came to the conclusion that if I were to purchase this trike and maybe my balls were not quite as big as i thought them to be to yield the power of said trike, would the fitting of an aftermarket flux capacitor be possible? if so would it be able to reach the required 88mph, so that I could go back and stop myself from purchasing such a monstrosity? 16-Oct-09
A: I have a friend who tried fitting one this trike, but it completely threw the mixtures out and he kept on oiling up his plugs just as he passed through the fifth dimension.
Q: To the whingers out there: GET A LIFE. I own a number of trikes and regularly check your ad for updates. Good work. Keep it going. Its worthwhile just looking at your other stuff for sale that I have no interest in just for a good story 14-Oct-09
A: Well said. I too have a second trike now and love it. I'm looking at buying another one which has solid front forks, so that will be even more fun! Thanks for your support!
Q: Your writing skills suck. You will never "cash in" on the previous clever ebay ads that became viral bits which you are obviously trying to emulate. Just peddle the damn thing off and be done with it man. 13-Oct-09
A: It's good that you have an opinion and also the insight to realise that I'm just trying to take over the world. You obviously scan the web for viral bits more than I do, so you would know better. In any case, the fact that my ad has made at least one person laugh is well worth the effort and the criticism received from people like you. Good work, and keep your eyes peeled for anyone else out there trying to 'cash in' on your world by writing an ebay ad that contains in excess of two paragraphs.
Q: Can i plz have that ten minutes of my life it it me at thankz....oh yeh and what inspired the trike story? i dont think it will sell with that add... maybe try... one lady owner.. thats it. 13-Oct-09
A: I've just sent you 12 minutes, you got a 20% bonus for free. As for the ad, it don't mind if it doesn't sell because the cows are having fun on it.
Q: does your crack pipe contain anything else in it,you have too much time on your hands.but you also like the attention yes!! 11-Oct-09
A: Are you saying that my crack has a pipe in it? Like an permanent enema? No, don't even have one. As for too much time, I can type at nine thousand words per minute, so I just typed your response in about 0.5 seconds. As for attention, the trike is getting all the attention here, not me. I merely respond to the questions and keep the trike safe from the paparazzi.
Q: hello Hollywood, animal welfare here, we noticed your comment about the TRIKE OF DEATH being able to skin rabbits. we are considering your trike for our new ways of terminations but under the section 42 we have to over come a slight snag. seems the only thing we cant get rid of is the tails and we are thing if your trike of death had an aerial we could maybe send you a gift to hang on that aerial and maybe start up a market for fluffy things for aerials? 11-Oct-09
A: It does have an aerial, the trike fashioned one for itself after it picked up a length of fencing wire at 65km/h. The fencing wire wrapped around the rear axle before being flung off and threading itself through nine sheep and a dung beetle, finally ending up bent into the shape of Austrlia, less the map of Tassie and attaching itself to the left hand side of the handlebars. Ever since then it has been able to pick up the song 'Video Killed the Radio Star' really well, even without a radio.
Q: Great disclaimer type description of this thing... I have nightmares about how I tried to ride my friend's once back in 1984 when I was 16. I thought after racing a IT125 and riding a YZ125 that this would be a snap, the only thing that snapped was the metal light pole in the front yard as I applied the "brakes" and tried to steer. 15 feet after I started I got off and never touched one again, not even to roll it out of the way. 09-Oct-09
A: You are so lucky to have survived. I'm starting to think that these things were given a bit of personality before they left the factory, a bit like Milton the Monster. Some claim to have escaped death on these trikes, but a recently conducted seance found that 65% of those who claim to have lived through riding one of these things are actually ghosts but haven't realised it. If you find yourself constantly ignored and have difficulty chewing, chances are that you too are a ghost.
Q: Does the Trike contain traces of peanuts? If so your ad should clearly read "May contain Traces of Nuts" as per Australian Labelling Standard 124569. It would be a pity if a pensioner has been saving for the ultimate retirement village mobility vehicle, only to successfully purchase the item and immediately go into anaphylactic shock, its very unfair. Either way, i would argue the trike itself has a big set of nuts, if not, there is surely something nuts going down at the Hollywood Mansion. Please amend your listing. 08-Oct-09
A: You have a point, but there is no way that I can guarantee this trike from being completely allergen free. For example, some people are allergic to the speed of sound, so ridden above second gear they'll certainly start sneezing. There's also the problem of the fumes from the '80s two stroke oil which no doubt sits in the oil tank. Back then, two stroke oil was a blend of Toni Basil's eyeliner and slush puppies, both well known allergens. In any case, it doesn't matter how much people react, because the adreniline induced merely by sitting above the nasty little motor is enough to rush the rider's body full of antihistamine, rendering them safe before they die from the loss of skin on their rear from the first unintentional wheel-stand.
Q: Gday hollywoodbigshot, i think this is exactly the gift i am looking for my Mother-in-Law.Is there any chance you could do a pre-delivery service if i was the winning bidder? Id be looking for things like the brakes being "adjusted",the steering "looked at", and even the wheel nuts "tweaked" be willing to pay extra of course for your precious time...Thanks. 08-Oct-09
A: Of course that will be included in the price. I'll even throw in a whoopie cushion seat cover so that you can start laughing as soon as she sits on it. I'll also throw in some fuel additive which will allow the trike to start normally, but the first touch of the throttle will induce a a conrod spasm huge enough to put the in-laws face at the back of her head, inside out. For you I'll make sure that I replace the handgrips with something less likely to allow her to embed her fingernails in, possible bare fibreglass.
Q: Gday Hollywood...does the trike have an ashtray?? Thanks 08-Oct-09
A: That was an optional extra, it was available ex factory and they promoted it as a way of enhancing the Trike of Death into a Trike of Death and Cremation. The ashtray would allow the rider to take the ashes of the last rider on a tour with them. My trike doesn't have one though.
Q: g day there again cobber . just woundering what the reserve price is on the trike of death . afterall being world famous and all even seeing its massive impressions from space in the sandjunes in australia man what a machine. one last thing what is the trike of death like at roadkill ?. you know inlaws cheers 08-Oct-09
A: There is no reserve on it. I initially listed it for $1500 but you will noticed that I have dropped the price by a whole dollar. Just in case someone out there was only a dollar short. As far as roadkill goes, this trike once made a fur rug out of a rabbit plague.